How couples therapy takes place
Many couples hold back because they cannot picture what awaits them. Here is the process, so you can form a view before you decide.
What does the course of couples therapy look like?
After the free initial consultation come two or three appointments in which we clarify your situation and the pattern that keeps returning. From there we work on shifting that pattern. Towards the end we secure what has shifted and space the appointments further apart.
A session lasts longer than a standard individual hour, because two people need room to speak. You do not sit side by side reporting to me; you talk with each other, and I keep the conversation from sliding into its familiar track.
I do not take sides. That is not the same as treating everything as equal: if a behaviour is harming you both, I name it.
Three phases
From clarity to change
The structure is similar for most couples. How long each phase lasts depends on you.
1
Clarify
We gather what this is about. Where exactly does it catch, since when, and what has already been tried? This phase closes with a shared description of your situation that both of you can agree to.
2
Understand
We look at the pattern: the sequence that repeats, the triggers, the roles. Schema therapy comes in here – it explains why familiar situations call up old reactions.
3
Change
You practise new responses, first in a protected setting, then in everyday life. Together we review what held and what did not, and we adjust.
What couples therapy is – and what it is not
Couples therapy is a structured conversation whose aim is to shift a recurring pattern. It is not a hearing in which someone is proved right, and it is not a procedure for gathering evidence.
Nor is it psychotherapy in the sense of medical treatment. If one of you has a condition that requires treatment in its own right, individual treatment is the right setting – working as a couple can make sense afterwards or alongside it.
If a substance-related condition is part of the picture, that belongs in specialised treatment first. I do not offer that support myself and will refer you to colleagues who work in that field.
It is also not a crisis service. In an acute emergency, emergency numbers and crisis lines are the right address.
How long does couples therapy take overall?
Plan for eight to twenty sessions across several months. At the start you usually come every one to two weeks, later less often. There is no package and no minimum term – after about five sessions we review together whether you are on the right track.
Some couples arrive with one clearly defined issue and finish after eight appointments. Others realise along the way that there is more to work through than they expected.
You can stop at any time. That is not a warning; the decision stays with you.
The next step
Get to know me without any commitment
In the free initial consultation we clarify what is going on for you and whether working together feels like a fit.